I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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