Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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