my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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