Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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