He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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