Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Someone signed my nipple.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
