He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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