Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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