No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
