"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
