I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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