I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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