remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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