Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
