i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
