You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
