Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
