My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
