dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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