Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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