I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
