yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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