you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
