It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
