I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
