if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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