i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
