Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
