i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
