..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
