did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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