Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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