i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
