Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
