Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
