I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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