Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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