Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
