god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize