it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
