you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
