I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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