it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
