I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
