A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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