Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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