mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
