when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Screwed.edu
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
