Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
