all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
